my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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