I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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