Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
