The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
