if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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