what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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