she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
