is your mom at the bar?
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
