Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
