We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
