I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
