Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
