I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
