The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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