literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need to sanitize my soul.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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