singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
