she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
