On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
