I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
