I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
