Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
