I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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