I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
