DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
