he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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