his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
