I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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