last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
