I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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