My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
