He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
