I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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