I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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