And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
