do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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