I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
