You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
