had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
