is your mom at the bar?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
