My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
