Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
