how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I will pee on everything he values.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
