I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
