I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
