I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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