You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
