Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
