Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
pray to the hookup gods
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
