You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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