A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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