that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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