If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
