just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
