We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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