i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
