I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
