I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
