it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
