The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
