So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
