Don't make out with my wife yet
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
