ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
