I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
