How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
