if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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