lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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