the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
